How to Let Go of Comparisons

Have you ever been on social media and saw someone’s post and thought, “I wish I was…. I wish I had (fill in the blank)….. like (fill in someone’s name)?”  I would like to say we all have been there at some point. We scroll through our social media feeds and look at how others’ lives seem to be, and we start comparing our life to theirs. 

We think to ourselves, “Well they just seem to have the perfect children, marriage, job, career, life…” you name it.  Then you become frustrated, upset, jealous because you are not where they are or you don’t have what they have.  

For example, today I looked on social media and saw someone who went on what looked like an awesome vacation and thought, “How awesome for them to be able to go there. I wish that were me.”  I also saw someone with the cutest engagement pictures looking all “in love” and stuff and started thinking to myself, “Where is my knight in shining armor?”

If you have ever done this too, then I’m writing this for you (and myself included).  

Look, I get it, there are things in life we wish we had or we hope to have one day.  And there’s no problem with wanting more out of life. If you know me, I’m on a mission to help individuals create the life they want by believing in themselves and overcoming their fears. However, we have to learn to let go of comparisons, because the moment we focus on someone else’s story and try to make it our own we lose out on the journey we were meant to live.

So here are a few things I do to reframe and let go of comparisons. 

1. Remember, things are not always as they seem

As a counselor what I wish people could know is that they are not alone in the struggle. People all around you are going through things you have no clue about and some may have similar struggles to yours.  And guess what? That’s because we are HUMAN. That means some days are awesome, some days suck, and that’s okay.  I have met people who you would think have life all figured out, and they are struggling on the inside. PERFECTION is NOT REAL. 

A life with no challenges, problems or obstacles is a MYTH.

When you see how others show up on social, just remember they are not telling you their child just had a meltdown for 4 hours last night which left them on the bathroom floor crying.  They are not telling you they had a conflict with their partner and now neither of them are talking. They are not telling you they are afraid and worried because they have a family member struggling with addiction and don’t know what to do or where to turn.  And it’s okay if they are not telling you those things, but just know you don’t always know what’s really going on in someone’s life.  

2. Life is how we interpret it

I recently went to a workshop with Chris Lee (he’s a pretty cool dude, you should check him out) on the 7 Keys to a Bulletproof Life. In the workshop, he encouraged individuals to learn ways to create and take charge of their interpretations of life. 

“Life is a series of opportunities to interpret. In the moment I interpret, I become the interpretation.”

-Chris Lee

How we choose to see life, ultimately affects our life. Life is neutral, but the ways we interpret life cause us to have either a positive or negative perception of things around us.  To demonstrate this, he led us through an exercise I want to share with you.

Think of all the things you need to do right now in life that you don’t want to do or have to do, and write them down or say them out loud.  Just say, “I have to…. (blank).” Next, take a moment and think of all of those things again and this time say, “I choose to… (blank).” Finally, I want you to one more time bring all of those things to mind and say, “I’m blessed to… (blank).”  

This exercise was powerful.  It reminded me I have to take responsibility for how I interpret my life.  Similarly, if what I am thinking is not causing me joy, then I need to think of something else.  

3. Choose Gratitude

Did you know someone, somewhere wishes they had what you have?  I don’t care how little you think you have, there is someone, somewhere in the world wishing they had what you have.  We all have something to be grateful for even when we feel like there isn’t anything to be grateful for. 

“Live life as if everything was rigged in your favor.” 

-Remi

Gratitude is something we must practice if we want to stop comparing our story to someone else’s.  We have way more negative automatic thoughts than positive ones so gratitude is something we must be intentional about practicing. For that reason, I like to challenge myself to say 3 things I’m grateful for in the morning and acknowledge 3 things I was grateful for during my day before I close my eyes at night.  I challenge you to try this if it isn’t already something you do. Gratitude has a way of helping us shift our focus on what we have rather than focusing on what we feel we are missing.

The bottom line is life is too short to get stuck in comparisons.  When you catch yourself starting to compare yourself to someone else, just try to go through the steps I listed above.  By reframing your thoughts it helps you to interpret your life in a more positive way. 

Life is not perfect. It’s messy and crazy, but it is a gift.  And this gift we’ve been given was never meant for comparison. So, let’s make the most of it!

BE INSPIRED

Let me know what you are grateful for in the comment section below!